A hurrah for tonight’s gladiators! See how the Ephesus fire dances in their young eyes, so wide and full of hope, and how heroically they wield their scarred swords, scarred soldiers with sickly flesh wounds spinning narrative threads about generational squabbling and disputes that heart faced aunts won’t let die. I am undefeated in battle. Tonight I will lose.
Nobody will understand the struggles they have been through to get to where they are. I am an anomaly, a blip on the radar, high cost low return on investment piece of metal plastic junk. I am a torrent of rain and hail falling from the darkest rain clouds in the middle of the winter melting all the snow. I am a storm you watch from the inside of the house, from the windows, and thank God you are in here and not out there. Look out storm chasers.
If I am to die tomorrow I hope you should all understand that it is not about any of you. I have been dead for a very long time. Undefeated? No. I have lost many invisible fights. I have died a hundred deaths at the hands of everyone I love a thousand times more sinister and deadly than what you call death. I am an actor fighting every single day to learn the choreography of a time that keeps passing me by, stringing together calculated words to try show anyone else a glimpse of what I see. It is a miracle that I am still here because it is a choice I make on more days than I should have to. I will look back on these days and thank myself that I did.
It will get better. I love you very much. One day I will love me too.